The Letter
by poxelda
Summary: Macgyver receives a blast from the past. Mac angst, team worry. This is my first fan fiction ever, all reviews welcome!


"No, what are you thinking? You can't bring that!" Mac looked up from the khakis he was going to shove into a duffle. Jack stood up from the side of the bed and took the pants from Mac and tossed them back into the closet.  
"What's wrong with them?" Mac asked confused. Jack looked up to the ceiling.  
"We are going to Las Vegas! You hear me? Las Vegas! You can't dress like you do everyday, this is special. Disney world for grown ups!" He bent and began to rummage through the stacks of neatly folded clothes. "You're dressed the same way you always are." Mac pointed out as he automatically took the clothes Jack tossed aside, folded them and replaced them on the shelf. Jack stood up and eyed Mac with surprise.  
"Of course! Black is classy no matter where you are-fighting or playing," He bent back into the closet still talking, "...rain or shine. Look at Johnny Cash…" Mac shook his head. He heard the front door and left Jack rambling through a long list of long hair bands. He poked his head out and smiled as he saw Bozer and Riley walk in carrying boxes and bags. They were laughing at something and suspiciously stopped the minute they saw Macgyver. Macgyver was moving to help them but now he drew up and crossed his arms glaring at them. He smelled a cover up. "Uh...hi Mac. Where's Jack?" Bozer said ducking behind the pile of boxes he carried. Mac pointed a thumb over his shoulder.  
"Ransacking my closet, evidently I have…"  
"Nothing! Absolutely nothing decent to party in." Jack's drawl interrupted him.  
"Shocker." Riley muttered laying the bags onto the couch. Mac shot her a glare. She smiled unfazed. "Look Mac, you're a genius at rigging things together but…"  
"...not your wardrobe!" Jack said smiling. "See, it's not just me!"  
"What's wrong with my wardrobe?" Mac huffed.  
"Nothing…"Bozer began.  
"If you're a JC Penny model." Riley finished. Mac shook his head. He crossed to the couch. Bozer had grabbed the mail. Mac's eyes lit up as he saw the newest issue of a physics journal peeping out from under a roll of catalogues and a layer of envelopes, most likely bills.  
He smiled pulling out the pile.  
"I could just stay here…" He began opening the journal with excitement. It was suddenly ripped from his hands.  
"Not gonna happen!" Jack declared holding the journal up in victory then slinging it over his shoulder. Mac watched horrified as it landed sprawled on the floor beside the TV. Bozer put an arm across his shoulders.  
"Mac, my friend, you need an intervention. You...we haven't done anything fun since that trip we all took to Mission City."  
"Where we took out a smuggling ring and saved a little girl. I don't think that qualifies as true fun." Riley said digging around in the bags.  
"I have fun." Mac said defensively. "Yeah, when?" Jack demanded.  
"We had a birthday party, remember?" The other three all groaned at once.  
"Dude, we had to almost force you to party then!" Jack said leaning his arm across Mac's other shoulder.  
"It was still fun." Mac replied knowing what a weak argument that was. He tried a different track. "Besides if I dress so horribly that you don't want to be seen with me…" He casually flipped through the envelopes mentally sorting them. "No worries there Mac!" Riley said with a glowing smile. Mac looked up as she pulled out an ornately decorated pair of dark brown cowboy boots from an open box. "No…..No….No!" Mac declared trying to back away. Bozer and Jack just tightened their grip around him trapping him in place.  
"Come on Mac when was the last time you had new clothes?" Riley said turning back to the bags. "Wait until you see what we got you!"  
"You are going to be styling, my man!" Jack said. Mac closed his eyes and shook his head. Maybe Maddie would fake a mission for him if he asked really, really nicely. He took a deep breath and turned back to the mail. The last letter in the pile had his name and address in it. It looked like it had been folded a hundred times then dragged over gravel and mud. He recognized the handwriting and stamp. He had put both on the envelope himself. He dropped the rest of the mail and the entire room seemed to melt away.  
"You will die in half an hour…" ...screams...thunk of blade against bone then silence… waiting knowing he was next...  
Jack looked over at Mac worried. He'd felt his partner's muscles tighten. The others picked up on his worry and quieted as they looked over at Macgyver. The blond's face was pale, he was breathing fast and held the letter crushed in a white knuckled fist. His eyes were distant, seeing something other than the room around him. And what he saw was not a good thing judging by the terror that filled his blue eyes. His breathing came quicker, more shallow. "Mac? Mac?" Jack moved in front of Macgyver shaking him gently by the shoulders. Mac looked through him. "Mac!" Jack raised his voice and gave Mac a single hard shake. Macgyver stepped back looked around him in terror, confused. "Mac, we didn't mean.."Bozer began. Mac blinked and his breathing slowed as he remembered where he was. He became acutely aware of the heavy worried looks the others gave him. He coughed and cleared his throat forcing his dry mouth to make spit. He licked his dry lips. "Oh, yeah that's Ok Boze. I…" He looked at the others. None of them were buying the feeble attempt to pretend nothing just happened.  
"Mac, what is is? What's wrong?" Riley said stepping closer.  
"What's this?" Jack demanded grabbing the fist that held the crushed letter. It was smushed into a tight ball from the strength of Mac's grip. Mac became aware of a cramp forming in his hand. He went to pull out of Jack's grip. Jack held tighter. Mac forced his hand to relax feeling guilty for the worry he was causing his friends.  
"It's nothing. Really, it just surprised me that's all." It was a half truth. Jack looked at him skeptically and slowly pulled the paper from Macgyver's hand. He let Mac go. Mac shook his hand and slowly worked his fist open and closed trying to relieve the cramp that now caused it to shake. At least that's what he told himself made his handshake. "That's your handwriting, Mac." Bozer said peering over Jack's shoulder. As the three huddled around the worn letter and envelope, Mac took his chance and strode over to the kitchen and got a bottle out. He suddenly felt parched as if he really had been back in the Sandbox again. He took a drink of the cool bottled water. He closed his eyes. And took a deep breath after draining about half of the bottle in one gulp. His hand still shook. He put the top back and put the bottle back in the fridge. He leaned his face into the fridge enjoying the cool. I'm not there. I'm back. I made it back. I'm not alone.  
He heard the rip as the envelope was torn into. Mac stood up feeling foolish. It was just a letter. He paused. No, not even.  
"It's blank!" Riley said surprised. Jack flipped the paper over a few times looking at it from all different angles.  
"Is it in code? Some kind of hidden ink?" Bozer asked taking the paper from Jack and smelling it. The others looked at him in surprise. Bozer shrugged. "Invisible ink can be made from lemon juice." Mac raised and eyebrow and his mouth quirked at the edges.  
"No there's no hidden message." He said. He crossed back to them and took the paper from Bozer.  
"It does smell like gunpowder though." Bozer said looking solidly at Mac. Mac couldn't meet his eyes. He turned to Jack and held out his hand to Jack for the envelope. Their eyes locked together. "It's nothing, really Jack. Everything's fine." Jack slowly handed over the envelope. "Right." He said slowly. They both knew he was only letting it go for now. Mac let out a breath of relief. He refolded the paper and put it carefully back into the envelope. He was aware of the others watching him like he was going to drop dead any minute. Mac felt like an idiot at his over reaction. It had surprised him that's all. It was nothing. He turned back to the others with a smile none of them believed. "Anyway, what's in the bags, Riley? If you're going to drag me to Vegas let's see what gettup I have to wear." Bozer and Riley smiled relaxing.  
"Gettup? No way, Bro, this is 100% pure fashion gold.."Bozer began. Riley began to dig into the bags getting caught up in the excitement. Mac smiled and bantered with them leaning in to see what clothes they had bought. Jack watched. He saw Mac's hands automatically fold the envelope into a small rectangle then put it in his wallet. He smiled and nodded when Mac glanced over his shoulder at him. The smile vanished as soon as Mac turned away. He had seen Mac react like that before, usually when he was waking up from a nightmare.

Desert. He'd forgotten Las Vegas was in the middle of a desert. He stared down at the sandy patch that grew bigger as the plane circled for a landing. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the coolness of the window. He felt the motor hum against his skull. In his mind he calculated the force that was pushing against the thick double planes. "You OK, kiddo?" Jack said softly beside him. He turned back. Jack was watching him with a concerned look.  
"Yeah, you know…" Mac shrugged not sure how to put it in words. Jack smiled and nodded sadly.  
"Flying into a desert. I know it gets to me sometimes too." Mac smiled back gratefully. Jack did understand. Mac turned back to watch the city below them grow larger and larger. He felt his stomach drop with anxiety that had nothing to do with the plane or the desert. Jack did understand, and he had absolutely no idea.

****************************  
Jack watched Mac out of the corner of his eye. He smiled and bantered well enough with the others that they thought he was fine and enjoying himself, but Jack held the patent on the Macgyver Rosetta Stone. He saw the jumpiness, the constant scanning for threats. Jack pretended to be interested in things Boze pointed out from the guide book he held in his hands. Riley asked about shows. Jack automatically piped up, but was paying only half attention. Macgyver remained quiet, too quiet. He sat alone in a taxi full of chattering friends. His eyes stared blankly out the window. Jack could see the downward spiral. He reached over and touched Mac's shoulder. He expected the surprised jump. He didn't expect the look of terror and the flinching away. Jack pulled his hand back and held it up to show Mac it was empty. It took a few seconds then Mac's eyes focused. He let out a deep breath and visibly forced himself to relax. He turned away and stretched trying to hide his reaction. "Mac, the Blue Man Group!" Bozer's finger stabbed hard into the glass. He turned to Mac with a grin. "We have to go…!" Bozer trailed off, looking back and forth between Mac and Jack. Jack held Mac's gaze until Mac sighed nodded and ducked his head. Jack turned with a big smile covering for his friend. "You can keep your smurfs, I want to see some Celine!" Bozer continued to look at Mac a long second. He knew something was up with his friend and felt a pang as he realized Jack was going to be more helpful than he was. Bozer frowned and looked away, letting Mac have time to pull himself together.  
"Celine? The Titanic singer? Really?" Riley asked shooting a surprised look at Jack. Her quick glance took in Mac's ragged paleness. They didn't stop or give any indication she was watching him at all. She knew they were all worried. She smiled. They thought they were hiding their concern from her. It was adorable really. She laughed to herself realizing she was trying to hide her concern just as much as they were. She shrugged to herself. Could she help it she was better at it than they were? At least she hoped so. Mac didn't need to feel guilt about their worry for him in addition to whatever was going on with him. She knew they would all be there to help him however they could. She glanced at Jack fondly. She also knew that they would take their cues from Jack. If ignoring it was better for Mac right now, ignore it they would.  
"She sings a lot more than "My Heart Will Go On" you know." Jack said.  
"You know the name of that song?" Mac added with a genuine smile. Jack smiled back taking the win.  
"Who doesn't? She won five grammy's, album of the year and knows a whole bunch of languages."  
"And you think she's hot." Mac said with a genuine chuckle. Jack grinned back.  
"Hell yeah! And that accent...you know how I feel about French accents!"  
"She's from Canada, Jack." Riley piped up as their taxi pulled up to the curb in front of the Treasure Island. "Canadians speak French." Jack retorted. They all climbed out of the taxi and began to gather their luggage. Bozer paid the taxi. Jack told him he paid too much as the taxi drove away. Mac tuned out their bickering. He looked up at the curved building looming above them. With the gleaming rows of lights it looked like black velvet lined with tinsel. Every town had a feeling to it. A vibe Jack called it. Las Vegas was all glitz and free champagne. Mac found it intriguing especially as he considered how to beat the games. Mac had promised Jack not to win too much so they didn't have to escape mafia henchmen. Mac shook his head smiling. Jack had actually said henchmen, not goons or any of the other Jackisms Mac had gotten use to.  
"Impressive isn't it?" Riley said looking up as she stood beside him. Mac glanced at her wondering if she'd ever been in a big city outside of their trips with Phoenix.  
"Yes it is." Mac said. Jack yelled at them as the bell hop wheeled their luggage away. Mac gallantly held out his elbow.  
"Shall we?" Riley laughed taking his arm.  
"Why yes we shall." Smiling they followed behind their friends.  
*********************************

They had gotten a presidential suite. "If we do this we are going to do it like we mean it!" Jack had said. With the salaries they got at Phoenix cost really wasn't much of an issue. "Damn! This is sweet." Bozer said darting around the room like a puppy whose owner just got home. There was a single with a double bed off to the right and a larger room with two double beds. The couch in the middle of the suite also pulled out to a double bed. Before any of them could argue Jack decided the arrangements.  
"Riley gets the single. Mac and I get the double…"  
"But I…" Bozer began.  
"Get the couch." Bozer wilted under the piercing gaze Jack gave him. They both looked over to Mac who stood in the middle of the floor looking a little lost in the fancy grandeur of the room. He looked pale, shaky. Circles had formed under his eyes and none of them had seen him eat more than a bite over the past couple days. Bozer met Jack's eye and nodded his understanding. Riley smiled at them and cast her own worried glance at Macgyver. He looked like he was going to pass out.  
"I'm going to get freshened up." She said hauling her suitcase and bag from the pile on the cart. Jack and Bozer nodded in acknowledgement. Mac gave no sign of hearing. Bozer and Jack shared another worried glance.  
"I think that's a good idea, come on Mac." Jack announced. Instead of retrieving luggage he gently but firmly gripped Mac by the upper arms to guide him toward their room. Mac stumbled. Jack steadied him and stepped closer to him. Mac's head had drooped. He looked asleep on his feet. Bozer paid the bell hop and shoved him out the door ignoring his well meant offers of help. He followed Jack and Mac into the bedroom. Jack walked Mac to the closest bed and sat him down. Mac's eyes closed and he flopped forward. Jack caught him, his blond head landing on Jack's left shoulder. He glanced up to see Bozer standing uncertain at the door. "Bozer help me get him to bed." Bozer hurried to his side. Stepping around the two Bozer bent and pulled up the covers. Trying not to jostle Mac's head Jack awkwardly pulled off one of Macgyver's sneakers. His new boots were packed away for later, and Jack was determined there would be a later filled with fun. They just had to get Mac though...whatever this was. He pulled off the other boot as Bozer joined him. Gently Jack started to pull off the leather coat. Bozer helped him with surprising grace. Jack glanced up at him surprised. Bozer smiled.  
"What? Do you think this is the first time I had to help a groggy Macgyver?" Jack snorted telling himself to drag those stories out of Bozer over the next few days. They got Mac down to his boxers, t-shirt and socks then laid him out under the covers. Jack tucked him in and pushed a blond lock out of his face. Normally Mac looked like a kid when he slept, the weight of the world slipping from his shoulders as he relaxed. This time he looked old, and tense even as he slept. He glanced at Bozer whose face was serious as he nodded and turned to leave after giving the covers one last tuck. He gently closed the door after him. Jack blew out a big breath looking into the young-old face.  
"Oh man, Mac. What is going on in that complicated brain of yours?" Mac didn't move. Jack sighed. Just as well the kid slept. Jack picked up Mac's clothes and folded them with care. Mac was very exact about folding his clothes a certain way. Jack was sure it had to do with some geometric angle or something else he'd never understand. He paused feeling a weight in Mac's back pocket. His wallet. Thoughtfully Jack put down the pants. He pulled out the wallet and then the carefully folded envelope. A thought occurred to him. He set the envelope aside and finished folding the clothes. He left Mac's wallet in the drawer of the table beside the bed. He turned out the lamp over Mac's head. He grabbed the envelope and left the room leaving the door ajar.  
The others were talking softly sitting on the couch. They stood up and looked at Jack expectantly. Jack held out a calming hand.  
"He's ok, he's asleep."  
"Something's eating at him. He gets like this when something serious is going on." Bozer sait running a hand through his hair.  
"It has something to do with this." Jack held up the envelope. The others stared a long second. "What? Hell yeah I stole it." Riley grinned sitting and pulling out her laptop. "If you hadn't I would have." She said taking the envelope from Jack. She unfolded it and looked close at the cancelled stamp. Bozer grinned.  
"That's why you guys are the spies!" ***********************************  
Desert. It clung to everything. Mac tried to wipe away the grit sticking to his sweating face. The ropes holding his wrists together were pulled hard almost sending him face-first into the sand. He received another knock across his back for his trouble. He bent over gasping in pain. He fell to his knees everything blurring and spinning around him...How long had they been walking? He was still sweating so he hadn't hit heat stroke yet, but it was still a couple hours until dawn. He closed his eyes trying to mentally how far they had travelled based on an estimate of how long and fast they'd been walking. An angry voice shouted in Arabic and a club crashed into the side of his head dropping him to all fours on the sand. He glared up defiantly and a boot smashed across his face. He landed on his side and immediately curled up knowing what was coming...he couldn't breathe...boots slammed into him over and over...he felt something snap inside...he began choking on blood, gasping for air...darkness...everything was dark….a shape stood over him, he heard angry Arabic and braced for another boott…

It never came. Hands grabbed his arms as he flailed trying to get free, to breathe…  
"Mac! Mac! Angus, wake up!" Mac paused. He knew that voice.  
"Jack?" He gasped blinking. Why was Jack here? Did they capture him too? His breathing became even faster, his chest heaving. He heard the thunk of the sword...cheers, this time it had been Looper, the big Oklahoman who had been in EOD training a year ahead of him. Who had carried him when he was unconscious..His sunburnt face covered with bruises looked up at Mac, accusation in their stilled eyes. His hair bleached white by the desert sand had thick streaks of red running through it. Mac fell to his knees. He wished he could lubricate his dry eyes with tears but there was not enough water left in his body to wash away the pain and fear.  
He looked up at the smiling leader holding up the bloody sword screaming into the computer screen rigged up in the tent. He bent for the head. Mac closed his eyes and turned away trying to force his mind away. He wouldn't scream...he wouldn't…

Mac screamed arching his back gasping for air. His eyes were open but he wasn't seeing anything but whatever horror was playing out in his head. Jack shook him harder. "MAC! WAKE UP!" Bozer and Riley came running in wide-eyed looking at Jack for orders. Jack looked over at them struggling to keep the writhing Mac from hurting himself.  
"Bozer get a paper bag. Riley get a pitcher of ice water!" They dashed into the other room. "C'mon Mac, C'mon."

"You will die in half an hour. Write. Now." Macgyver stared down at the empty piece of paper. He felt as empty as it was. They wanted him to write to his family. He had seen the others who had refused, they had not died easily. Who could he write to? His brain froze. They wanted him to say how righteous their cause was, how he now followed Allah and wanted them to kill him for His glory. Mac had read the Quran. Whatever these maniacs followed it wasn't Allah. A club hit him in the back of the head. He leaned over the paper so they couldn't see it. He pretended he was writing, hoping they wouldn't open it to read it. He wouldn't burden Bozer or his grandfather with his pain, his death. He would take it to the grave. He folded the paper with shaking hands And stuffed it into the envelope. Desperately his licked his mouth. Finally he had enough spit to close the envelope the affix the stamp. He paused wondering who to address it to. With desperation he scrawled his own name. He dropped it on the barrel he'd used as a desk and dropped the pencil. The man behind him pulled the rope holding his wrists. Mac fell face first into the sand. He heard the circle of laughter around him and closed his eyes, accepting his fate. They rolled his letter in with the stack from others in the company. They never opened it. Mac smiled to himself. It was a small victory, but he'd take it.  
He was on his knees looking into the black eye of the camera on the computer. His arms were pulled out from his side. In the reflection of the screen he could see the sword raised over his head…

Mac jolted awake breathing hard. He couldn't stop or slow down his breathing. Hands helped him sit up. He tensed readying to pull away the cords...he'd go out fighting...He could hear the wheezing coming from his own lungs. Something covered his nose and mouth he pulled back but it followed him.  
"Mac, mac it's me. Easy now." "Jack?" Mac wheezed. He realized that he wasn't hot. He was cold, and wet. He blinked and stopped struggling. He reached out with his hands. Cloth. Sheets, bedspread. He slowly felt his breathing slowing. He realized He was leaning up against Jack who sat on the side of the bed. Mac touched what was covering his nose and mouth, a paper bag. Mac blinked his breathing easing. The bag vanished from his face. His eyes drifted closed. He smiled slightly enjoying the cold wetness dripping from his face and soaking his shirt and most of Jack.

He closed his eyes waiting for the pain. Absently he wondered how long his head would stay alive detached. It was one of the stranger things he had always been curious about. Unfortunately it would be the last thing he would know and would be able to share it with no one. Oddly that saddened him the most.. There was a keening whistle he recognized. An explosion knocked him to his right side in the sand. There was the stuttering ratchet of carbines and his captors fell dead to the ground all around him. His head ringing from an explosion, a familiar feeling. He looked up into the craggy face of a special forces commando. The guy wouldn't win any beauty contests but he was the most beautiful thing Angus Macgyver had ever seen in his life.

Mac slowly opened his eyes. He took a deep breath and looked around him. The hotel bedroom was lit brightly by late morning sun. He looked over to Jack who sat faithfully beside his bed in a recliner reading the book about attractions Bozer had bought. Las Vegas, right.  
"Find anything good?" Mac asked softly. Jack looked up at him and smiled.  
"Good morning, sleeping beauty. Finally graced us with your presence?" Mac rolled his eyes and sat up. He paused pulling at his shirt. He frowned. He had thought he'd been dreaming. How did his shirt get wet? He looked over at Jack about to ask. Jack smirked. Mac closed his mouth and said nothing. He was about to ask Jack how he had wet the bed? Mac shook his head and pushed up, ignoring his own question. Jack looked a little disappointed. He tossed the book on the bed and stood up.  
"You hungry?" Mac realized he was starving. "I'm starving." Jack grinned pleased. "Jack, last night...what…?" Jack looked down at him a gentle sadness in his eyes. "Nothing we couldn't handle. What do you want?" Mac felt a lump in his throat. He cleared it turning away as he sat up to hid his eyes which prickled with tears.  
"Uh…" his face lit up "Watermelon! Lots of watermelon." Jack frowned at him. Watermelon, really? He shook his head. The kid was back to himself, Jack didn't care what weird thing he wanted. Today he'd get it.  
"Ok, get cleaned up. Put on something nice we're going to see the smurfs."  
"The Blue Man Group." Mac corrected.  
"Whatever."

Mac looked at himself in the mirror. He had to admit it he did look pretty sharp. The boots were actually black leather with some sort of birds sticked in grey thread. Mac had wondered if they were Phoenixes. It would be like Jack to buy them just for the visual pun. The string tie he tightened below his collar was also a mark of the Texan on his new wardrobe. The shirt was a cool blue silk that matched his eyes and the dark denim slacks offset it perfectly. Riley he imagined. The simple black jacket was stitched finely and felt like it had been tailored to his body. It was high quality and had an expensive label in italian. It meant nothing to him, but he could imagine Bozer over the tailor's shoulder correcting any stitch out of place. After all he was the only one who knew his measurements so well having sewed everything from uniforms to any number of aliens for him to wear. Mac found his wallet and tucked it in the inside pocket of his suit jacket. It was so well made that the leather bulge didn't affect the line of the suit. Something fell on the carpet . He bent down and picked it up. The envelope. He moved it in his hands feeling the grit on its surface. It got everywhere, he mused. He sniffed it, Bozer was right it did smell like gunpowder. He still had no idea how it had made its way to his door after six years. He smiled sadly and tossed it in the garbage. Images ghosted across his mind. This time happy ones. Riley, Bozer, and Jack. Thinking back on his nightmare he tried to remember the end. He couldn't remember what the commando's face looked like in his memory but his imagination had penciled in Jack in his place. Mac laughed straightening his cuffs. He'd worn nice clothes before, of course. He wasn't as fashionably helpless as his friends seemed to think. He new he cleaned up alright. He only did it during assignments that called for it. This was different, this had been put together by all of his friends. He was proud to wear this gettup.  
He glanced in the mirror one last time pushing aside an errant strand of blond hair. He looked at the trash. It had been a letter from the past, he realized. A letter to his future self. It had been empty. Mac opened the door. He smiled at the cries of delight his friends threw his way as he walked into the main room. He didn't look back at the gritty envelope. If he was going to write one today to his future self it would be packed with stories about happy times with the family that gathered around him. He laughed as Bozer put a huge towel around his neck and shoulders.  
"What's this for?"  
"Well for some weird reason you wanted watermelon." Riley said waving her hand over to the largest spread of watermelon he'd ever seen. He licked his lips, thirsty and hungry at the same time.  
"Got salt right?" He asked.  
"What? Who puts salt on watermelon?" Jack demanded as he patted Mac on the back and headed to the table. Mac sat and chewed into the watermelon laughing with his friends. He finally felt the thirst haunting him fade away completely. 


End file.
